At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
