Swine flu is the new snow day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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