if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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