Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
