the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
