She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
