Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
