My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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