Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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