My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
