Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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