I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
