the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Plan B is the new Plan A
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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