I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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