that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
