I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
