I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
