so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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