he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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