It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
