I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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