So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
