I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
