Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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