So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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