ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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