so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
