Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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