Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
