Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
