he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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