i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
