piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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