Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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