Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
