What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can i not drive my cunt home
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
