we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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