I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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