wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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