Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
