i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
