Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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