Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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