I accidentally had phone sex last night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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