My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
