Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
