that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
True college students do jello shots in the library
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