So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
