After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
