I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
