I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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