yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
