Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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