Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
