I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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