i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
