..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
