Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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