I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
