doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
