I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
