ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
