So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
