i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
