i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just google imaged poop.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
