What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
