I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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