I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
