mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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