We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
