The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
