Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
