You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
