OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
