He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize