I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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