and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well you can't waste a boner
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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