i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
