Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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