well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
